My Heart Yearns For You
by A.Clips
Summary: Short plot, possibly several chapters in length, Jem and Tessa are discovered by Will having an intimate moment and awkward/anger etc ensures. Will develop further : Based after Clockwork Prince, R&R pretty please :
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER** – I OWN NONE OF THE CHARACTERS, THEY ALL BELONG TO CASSANDRA CLAIRE WHO'S SIMPLE AMAZE! BOW TO HER BRILLIANCE! I SAID BOW : )

**NOTES** – so after reading clockwork prince I have to say... I now adore the idea of tessa/jem as much as tessa/will...jem's such a gent and so cute and all, but there's still that passion so, seeing as I gave tessa and will a one-shot I figured I'd give these two one too. I'll be doing a second and possibly third chapter so I guess that's not technically a one shot but hey ho. Basically, Will walks in on Jem and Tessa having an intimate moment and awkwardness ensues, and then it shall go on XD This is based AFTER Clockwork Prince : ) R&R pretty please peoples, never quite gone so far with the romance before so I'd like opinions on if it was too much etc : )

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><p><em>Bound and gagged, she was unable to move even the slightest, robes digging tight into her wrists, rubbing them raw as she struggled in futile attempt to free herself. Her grey eyes were wide, startled and scared for the boy who resided in the chair opposite her who, unlike herself, was not gagged. She tried calling out to him, wishing she could sooth the boy with her tone, her words, but the material in her mouth prevented her from doing as such, and somewhere to her right she heard the cruel high laughter of a woman she did not recognise. Apparently the woman found her struggles amusing whilst Tessa could not tear her own gaze from the boy. His silver hair was darken by sweat, some of it plastered to his pale, perspired face as he bent double once more and his frail body convulsed with coughs, quaking in fear and pain.<em>

_Still she tried to call comfort to him, thrashing in her binds in attempt to loosen them but only causing herself further pain though she refused to cry out with it. What she felt was nothing in comparison to what he was feeling right now, she knew that and she swallowed hard and could only watch as the next onslaught of coughing brought up scarlet which splattered the plain, white tiles of the floor between them. Tessa shook her head in disbelief and desperation. No...this couldn't happen. He couldn't die...not now. She could feel hot, fast tears streaking down her cheeks but she could only watch as he clutched at his stomach and remained bent at the waist, coughing more and more now, the splatterings becoming a small puddle of red that only expanded as the coughing continued. The boy shuddered and dropped to his knees, the thick liquid soaking his trousers._

_Tessa's eyes could only follow the boy's deteriorating progress, pleading with her gaze that he hold on until she could get free, until she could throw her arms around him and hold him close...till she could save him. She could barely sob through the gag, the sound strangled and broken as the boy slumped against his own chair, head lolling until the tips of his silver locks tickled the seat. His eyes sought hers for their last image of the world and Tessa ignored the scarlet of his mouth, the pale of his cheeks and focused on his eyes, trying to tell him silently that she loved him, that she would always love him...and then she watched as the beautiful incandescent silver eyes faded to lifelessness...and James Carstairs was no more..._

"TESSA" She was not entirely sure how long someone had been calling her name for but from the volume of it she could only believe for some time. She jerked violently and bolted upright, her eyes snapping open with shock and it took her several moments to realise that it had only been a nightmare, a horrible, horrible nightmare. The darkness of the room pressed upon her, though a single flicker of soft light emanated from within a figure's hands, lighting up several indistinct shapes she recognised now to be part of the room's furniture. Only now did she feel the way her whole bodice shook as her hands ran over her wrists experimentally to ensure there were no ropes - indeed there were not – and finally she noticed the figure with the light had hold of her nearest arm in a gentle, familiar grasp. Her unseeing eyes flickered to his face, half in shadow but comforting nonetheless, and she exhaled a long breathe she hadn't realised she'd been holding.

"Oh _Jem_!" She breathed in relief, not thinking as she made to wind her arms around him and pull herself close to the warmth of his strong torso, comforted by the heat of him, by the fact that she could hold him now and he was solid and well in her arms. She could not help herself as she made to bury her head into the simple button down shirt he wore, knowing she had surprised him with her actions by the way he held still for a moment before gently wrapping his own arms around her, tentive and careful.

"What is it Tessa? What did you dream?" He murmured, his tone coloured with concern, his lips by her ear as he tried to settle her, worried for he had never seen her like this before. Tessa chewed her lower lip and made to pull back, regaining control over herself, feeling her heart rate lessen and regain normality – as did her breathing – after a few moments. She felt him drop his arms slowly as she moved away and she peered up into his kind face, assuring herself once more that he truly was well and alive. A shudder coursed through her as images of the nightmare flashed across her eyes and she felt the feather-light touch of the back of his calloused hand against her cheek as Jem attempted to reassure her. "You were calling out for me..." He said gently, and she blinked in faint surprise. She should have known she would have been however, for it was him in danger, and in her dream she had been screaming for him.

"I had a bad dream..." She hesitated, her gaze dropping to her hands which now resided in her lap, the bedcovers still twisted around her and she fiddled with them, trying to righten them as best she could with Jem perched on the edge of her bed beside her. She thought perhaps somewhere in her mind she should be thinking about how inappropriate this was – him in her room at such an hour, her in her nightclothes; even if they were betrothed. Yet after such a nightmare she would not have been able to bear him being anywhere but beside her. "You..." She paused to swallow and continued to twist her hands within her lap, unable to meet his gaze. "I was bound to a chair...and I had to watch as you died Jem." She blinked rapidly as tears threatened to swell in her eyes at the terror of putting her dream into words. "I couldn't do anything, I couldn't even speak and you just..._died_."

She glanced up at him in fear she would drive him away with her words, but it appeared to do the opposite. For a moment, Jem was still, as if he desperately wished he could say that it wouldn't happen, that he would never die – but angel only knew that wasn't true, and so instead he wrapped his arms around her once more and held her close, the top of his chin touching the soft brown locks. He knew he was being bold and perhaps too forward, but he only wished to comfort her, to show her that he was okay. She relaxed against him, shifting closer, her head finding a resting place in the crook of his neck that felt natural to them both as his lips brushed her forehead in a comforting gesture. She wasn't sure at that moment who gave the first indication, but the next second her head was angling upward toward his, and he was bending slightly down toward her. Then, with a sudden feeling of warmth their lips touched, uncertain at first, hesitant and tentative with a sweetness that left her breathless and her heard spinning. Tessa's eyes closed of their own accord; all the better to revel in the sensations that Jem's lips arose within her.

She could feel Jem's question behind the kiss, knew that he was asking her for the entirety of the time their lips were pressed together if this was too inappropriate, if he was crossing boundaries, and Tessa only responded with encouragement, her hands experimentally twisting into the soft of his hair gently, pulling his lips toward her with a little more force as her encouragement caused him to seek confident within his instincts and respond by kissing her harder with further urgency. She was drowning within the sensations, the rupture of heat that spread rapidly from any point of contact between the two of them as Jem's hands ghosted along her sides with the care he took of his violin, as though she were precious, as if he were scared of her fragility and believed she would crumble within his hands if he held her too tight. She shook her head slightly, unable to find words through the haze of heat to speak of what she wanted as senses took over, only able to show him as her own hands explored the hard lines of his shoulders, and encouraged him to explore her body of his own accord. The tenderness of the way his fingertips traced the line of her leg, almost nervously moving aside her night gown to continue the slender slope of skin to the top of her thigh caused her to make a small noise of want and desire, a gasp against his lips that only drove Jem on when somewhere at the back of their minds they thought that perhaps they should be stopping this before things went too far.

She only slightly recollected the way Jem shifted his body and she moved to compensate, causing them both to half fall backward against her covers, wrapped so tightly together one would not have gone down without the other. Tessa felt Jem shift his weight above her, conscious of his weight upon her smaller body but she shook her head slightly once more and took it fully, feeling herself quake slightly at the feel of him pressed against her like this with little but a few thin garments between their skin. They had been like this before, that night a few days before their engagement where Will had taken to wallowing in an Opium haze, and when they had saved him and returned home, Jem's violin had taken the silver haired boy's anger until Tessa had gone to stop him from ruining it...and then the two had ended up fornicating in such a manner as this.

But this was more than the first time, this was a re-discovery, the beginning to learn what the other enjoyed and what they did not, a second time to explore the sensations certain things caused within them, and a second time to wonder the possibilities of what would happen if they continued along this line of thought, if Jem's trembling hands continued their descent on the fastenings of Tessa's nightgown. Her hands clutched at his shirt, fisting in the material before she decided she wished it gone as Jem was working on ridding her own garment. This was getting rather close to further than they had gone before, and she was both nervous and excited at the anticipation; the prospects of this adventure. She realised she wanted Jem to be the first to see her fully unclothed, the first to touch her without material in the way..realised it felt right that he should be the first and only she made love with. She worked with steady, almost overly-eager hands on his shirt and he paused in his discovery of the bare skin of her now exposed shoulders to almost impatiently shrug from it, smiling softly down upon her when they both halted for a moment to gaze at each other's urethial glory. Then their hands re-kindled the fires aching within them both and Jem made to push the gown aside completely, exposing Tessa properly for the first time.

She could see the marvel in his eyes which dispelled her self-conciousness with little haste, and the way he was unable to hold himself back as his lips traced the line of her throat, ghosting to her stomach, where the sensation of them upon the bare skin of her navel caused her to arch her back and fling out a hand. Neither of them realised as she knocked a lamp to the floor and it's light sent scattering patterns across the ceiling, the impact of which causing a noise louder than the gasp that had escaped her open mouth to emit through the closed door of her room. She curled her fingers into his silver hair and made to pull his lips back to hers with a sudden desperate almost wild desire, their kissing fast becoming a frenzy as her hands traced the lines of his muscles, over his ribcage and the vivid ebony marks on his chest that were becoming far too familiar with her. She traced her hands lower still to the belt of his trousers, feeling the shiver course along his entire torso at her touch, knowing that once they crossed this line neither would have the ability to stop this...and she didn't want to. With nervous anticipation she made to work upon his belt, to liberate him as he had done to her...

...and then the door burst open, light flooding the intertwined, almost fully exposed figures on the bed and Tessa gasped in shock and pulled back from Jem, gripping her nightgown closed around her once more quickly and watching as Jem pulled back and sat up in shock, his usually calm and steady, realiable demeanour shaken by the interruption of his passion. He had no words to explain, no expression to cover his shock of being discovered about to defile the woman he loved. He became instantly ashamed of his actions, his inability to control himself and he wished he could escape the cold, penetrating blue eyes of William Herondale who stood imposingly within the doorway, his figure more threatening than Tessa had personally ever known it to be.

"You knocked over a lamp." He said, his words tight, forced between stiff lips and she could see the hard lines of his face sharp with anger as he stared at the two of them in what Tessa could only identify with as betrayal and anger...and unless she imagined it, horror.


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER** – I OWN NONE OF THE CHARACTERS, THEY ALL BELONG TO CASSANDRA CLAIRE WHO'S SIMPLY AMAZE! BOW TO HER BRILLIANCE! I SAID BOW !

**NOTES** – I've taken far too long a break from writing, and I apologise, but here's the other chapter for you. As it was only ever going to be two or three chapters this'll be it so I hope you're not disappointed. I'll for sure be dabbling in more Jem and Tessa one shots soon, how can I not? Anyways R&R guys : )

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><p>Both figures remained perfectly still for several seconds in shock whilst Will turned upon his heels and marched out, shoulders stiff with tension, his anger evident as his hand grasped the doorknob and pulled the door shut behind him none to gently. The room resonated still with the echo of the slam, disturbed only by two exhales as both Tessa and Jem realised they'd been holding their breath for far too long. Her heart still pounded out of surprise and, dare she admit it even to herself...excitement. She had been like this with Jem only once before, and whilst it had equally ended in the both being disturbed before they could venture beyond the point of no return, this interruption had shaken her much deeper than when Jem's medicine had crashed to the floor. In her mind, Jem and Will did not exactly co-exist. If ever she brought to thought the times she had kissed William Herondale, she could never fathom thinking about the times she had spent with Jem, at the same moment. They were separate within her mind, to think of one and the other at the same time seemed odd, and to have Will suddenly barging in upon something so private with Jem, the shock of being discovered was quite sharp.<p>

Wits barely about her, she gathered her gown together properly once more and hastily fastened it, her fingers still trembling. She could not help but duck her head, her long wild locks tumbled forward, just managing to hide the rose red of her cheeks, suddenly embarrassed to look at Jem. The cool of the jade pendant burned colder against her hot skin as if to remind her that she should not be ashamed nor embarrassed, he was to be her husband, and so she flickered her gaze upward. With a slight start she discovered Jem was already gazing upon her, his glorious silver eyes burned brighter than ever, gentle as they traced her features but she could see the seriousness, the touch of worry. "That was improper of me, Tessa...I'm very sorry, I should have better control over myself." He was the first to speak, his tone honest and true, a hand reaching to trace her cheek with the most tender of touches before standing, quickly sliding his shirt back on and hiding from Tessa's sight the beauty of his body.

"Don't..." Finally able to locate her voice, Tessa spoke. "Don't apologise, James." As always the sound of his name on her mouth gave his heart a squeeze, and he paused to look upon her, her hair all in disarray, night gown barely covering what he should not yet be seeing, and it made him want to reach for her once more. He quickly, politely, linked his hands behind his back to refrain from doing so, shaking his head ever so slightly with his usual gentle smile – the one filled with affection that he saved just for her.

"I must Tessa, it was highly indecent of me, engaged to be married or not." His smile widened slightly, clearly his thoughts were upon the idea of being wed to her and he took a step back toward Tessa to take her hand in his and raise it to his lips. "Get some rest, sweet Tessa. Goodnight," and with that he was gone. What was it with Shadowhunters and their innate ability to disappear like a wisp of smoke? With Jem gone however, her mind replayed the events of the night and her stomach curled slightly. Will. The look upon his face was enough to make her stomach churn most frightfully. Never had she expected to see him look in such a way – so betrayed and angry. She had to ponder as to why however. He was no stranger to the intimacies that went on in the bedroom, after all it was him who had once suggested she become his personal ... well, besides that as far as Will was concerned, Tessa had always seen him as the height of indecency. What did it matter what her and Jem happened to get up to behind doors when they were soon to be husband and wife, was it so wrong?

Her head hurt, still half filled with her nightmare, confused by Will's reaction and what her and Jem's had gotten up to, not least tired of over-thinking she decided to retire for the night. She would seek will out in the morning and speak to him herself, but for now she was happy to curl back under the covers upon her bed and slip into sweeter dreams where Jem held within his arms the young, delicate body of a child with grey eyes...

It was not until late afternoon the following day in which Tessa was able to find Will alone. If she had been the suspicious kind she might have assumed he happened to be avoiding her all morning. Having given up searching for him that morning, and upon finding herself tired of reading the same material she'd headed to the library in attempt to seek out something new to read. Having just traced her finger along a line of seemingly ancient novels – going by the thick layer of dust coating their faded binding – the door opened to reveal none other by Will himself. Perhaps she should have simply waited here all day for him, it should have been obvious that he might visit this room at least once during the progress of the day – he was far too much like Tessa in terms of the way he expressed his desire for time to himself; books of course, the perfect escape. She glanced toward him in faint surprise before her expression cooled, suddenly hesitant, almost wary of his reaction and her stomach gave an unhealthy clench.

"Tessa," He gave her a terse nod, his shoulders stiff and irritation emanated from him in such strong waves that Tessa felt her legs tremble slightly. Did he hate her? If he did then how in heaven's name was that fair? She was tired of his riddles, of trying to guess what was going on in his mind and her hesitancy turned to determination, a slight dimple appearing beneath her eyebrows as she frowned and turned to face him, squaring her jaw.

"Will, do you hate me?" She had not meant to be quite so forward, but now that the words had passed her lips there was no bringing them back. She could see the surprise in his handsome face as his head jerked back to look at her, having been in the process of picking up a well worn book from one of the chairs. She folded her arms across her chest, a gesture of stubbornness, unsure whether he was even going to speak for a moment, before finally he did.

"No I don't hate you, Tess. I never could." His words confused her. She often felt, whenever her and Will happened to be at heads with the other that he despised her, that since she was engaged to Jem, that because she had turned him down on that rooftop when he'd propositioned her he could feel nothing other than hate for her. That look she had seen him give last night upon his unexpected entrance, never had she seen such anger in him for a long while, and she could only assume it was at her, it just confused her as to why exactly.

"Then why..." She paused and frowned ever so slightly, not sure which question she wished to ask first. "why were you so angry last night?!" There was no reason to dither about the subject, getting to the heart of the matter was much easier. "You are hardly an angel, Will, you talk about stealing a girls virtue and honour as if it's merely a joke to you and yet you are mad to find Jem within my bed?" Her tone was indignant, suddenly finding herself angry with Will for his reaction the previous night, for interrupting, for all of it.

"Becuase it should be me that you're with, not Jem!" Tessa inhaled a sharp breath, the force of his outburst causing her to stagger a step backward until her back touched upon the wood of the bookcase behind her. Never had she expect such words out of the blue eyed boys mouth, and if anything she suddenly despised him for them, for the very way those words made her heart skip a beat and suddenly increase.

"I am engaged to marry Jem, _not_ you William...I should not be anywhere with you." Her tone remained even though she was not sure how she managed to keep it so, inside was turmoil. She felt sick, not least because a part of her, a part deep deep down that she had tried to repress for so long, rejoiced to hear them. Her right hand reached up to clasp the pendant of jade around her neck without conscious thought, as though to give herself courage.

"I know you are... and he deserves you whereas I do not...but Tess..." She caught his eyes, breath halted by the blaze within the blue. She saw him take a step toward her and found there was nowhere to go – already backed against the bookcase, bindings digging almost painfully through the dress, biting into her skin. "Tessa you chose me before. You can choose me again." She shook her head almost immediately, seeing the way he frowned, his mood swinging from glorious to sullen like whiplash.

"I am engaged to marry Jem." She repeated, slower this time, begging him to listen to her. Her heart, already torn in two before, could not take this. "I love Jem." She could tell the words had had an effect upon Will, as though he still thought he had one foot in the door, as if this were just some decision on who she should take a walk out in London with this late afternoon. He stepped forward again, crossing the room until he was uncomfortably close, one hand reached up, his knuckles tracing the line of her cheekbone with a tenderness not always known of the black haired boy. "No, Will."

She knew what he was thinking and it scared her. He had to understand, he could not do this anymore. All those kisses, all those moments...so much confusion and pain and hurt and anger and bitterness, she had grown tired of it all. She would not break Jem's heart. When she married Jem she could not allow this anymore, it was unfair on Jem and in reality it was neither fair on her nor Will either. This must end now. He had no right to walk in upon her and her fiancée and be angry with her. Nor did he have the right to be trying to kiss her.

"Will, no! I love _Jem_, I don't love _you_!" Finally it appeared her words had had effect upon him. She loathed to see the way he suddenly froze, every muscle taunt, tension rolling off him in waves. He did not even seem to breath as he stared hard at her, as though attempting to grasp whether or not she was lying. Perhaps hoping she was. Tessa's face remained firm, her heart pounding, part of her screaming to take it back but she could not. She was Jem's and only Jem's, ever since she had agreed to be his wife she would no more be anybody else's. "I am going to marry James Carstairs, I chose him the moment I accepted his proposal Will, and there is nothing more that can be said on the matter. I think it best we keep at distance from now on." Her voice quietened toward the end, almost afraid for saying it. She despised doing this, but she had to. Her breathing quickened, though she felt breathless as she watched Will withdraw, taking several deliberate steps backward and his face became stone.

"That's how you wish for it to be? As you like, _miss. Grey_." His eyes glinted almost maliciously as he deliberated on her name, emphasising it coldly and she turned her face away in response. She would not rise to the bait, she would not say another word. It was how it would have to be, there was no other way for them to coexist without all this incessant drama. She did not look upon him again, though she could feel his ice blue eyes staring fixated upon her form for several long moments, before finally he moved and the door slammed shut with such finality it hurt. Only then, alone, did Tessa allow herself to sink into one of the available chairs and let herself feel what she had not only lost, but also gained. The chance to let go.


End file.
